Marriage and family are inseparable for many people. But there are many different aspects of family. There is the family you create together and there are the respective families that you have come from. Both are capable of generating a lot of areas for conflict and are for many people a common source of frustration.
Many people see marriage and kids as being what marriage is all about. Indeed, the birth of a child is often the next most celebrated event after the wedding itself. But as anyone who has looked after a newborn knows, this is a particularly demanding time for new parents. Often the needs of the child are placed before their own needs and each other. While this is understandable in the beginning as you both tackle unchartered areas and learn new skills, in many instances this pattern is allowed to continue. Indeed, many parents believe that parenting is about sacrifice. If not addressed this pattern often continues and becomes embedded as the child gets older and perhaps a sibling or two are added to the mix.
While I'm not suggesting that you need to ignore your children, it is important to remember that it is the relationship between parents which underpins a child's world. The relationship that began their life is the foundation on which they will grow. If the primary relationship between a husband and wife has not been tended and as a result is weak then difficulties that the child faces with their development or health will severely strain the family unit.
In some cases, this prompts the need for a visit to a family and marriage therapist to set things back on track. Family and marriage therapy often works well because an outsider is able to speak unemotionally about the issues that need to be addressed and can act as an adjudicator when disputes arise.
While a couple have deliberately chosen to be together, the families of the husband and wife have not. In this coming together of two unrelated families there is great joy and richness to be had. Each family gains a new family member and the husband and wife gain a new family. But it isn't always a happy combination and is often a source of tension in a marriage. It is important at times like this to remember that every person is responsible for their own happiness and for the life they create for themselves.
Make your family and marriage experience a positive one by remembering to keep the love alive in your marriage first and family second.
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