Sometimes it may feel like marriage and family don't go together as well as you envisaged. The main reason for this is that with a marriage comes the opportunity to create a family of your own. And while you still belong to the family that you were born into and the one you married into, at times in can feel like getting the balance between them all right takes enormous negotiation skills on your behalf. Does it often feel like everyone wants something from you and what you give is never enough? Your family complain that they never see you. Your spouse's family want more time with you. And you want to spend more time just hanging out with your partner, enjoying each other's company without any family complications.
If you look at it from your own family's perspective it may help to gain some understanding of why they are behaving the way they are. Until you married or began your relationship with your spouse, your family was likely your base around which you built your life. You may not have still been living in the family home but you made it a priority to spend time with your family and you were always there for special holidays and family celebrations. And then you got married and you found that your spouse's family wanted to spend time with you and that they had their own traditions and family celebrations that you were now expected to attend. And you're newly married and want to enjoy this special time with your new spouse.
How can you resolve the conflicts that arise?
If you find that your family and your spouse's family are competing for your time and affection then it maybe worthwhile sitting down with both families individually to explain the impact that this tug of war is having on you and your spouse. Perhaps they aren't aware of the bad karma that they are generating and talking through the situation may help to allay their fears that they are losing you. You may need to commit to a regular schedule of visits and point out when they show any possessive behavior that that is what they are doing and that you don't like it.
If this doesn't work then you could try cutting back on the time that you spend with them and when they protest explain why you feel forced into the position of having to do this. Hopefully they will see that their actions to get closer to you are pushing you away from wanting to be in contact with them.
Finally if you still feel that this has still not resolved the situation then you would be wise to see a marriage and family therapist to help all of you deal with the new family arrangements.
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