Marriage and Kids: Keeping a Balance

Many people see marriage and kids as being inseparably woven together, indeed for many people part of the reason for getting married is to have children. While this may or may not be true for you there is no doubt that having children is both a time of great joy and fun and often great stress as well. Before you had kids you only had to worry about your own needs and those of your spouse. Now you have a little person that depends on you and your spouse for everything - for food, shelter, love, entertainment, warmth, help to allow them to develop. And in that busyness to provide all that they need to grow and blossom, your own needs, those of your spouse's and the needs of your relationship often take a back seat.

While it is inevitable that having a child will change the dynamic between you and your spouse, it is important to maintain your relationship with each other. Easier said that done, right? How exactly can you do this?

. make an effort to regularly spend time alone together where you don't talk about your offspring. Communication can sometimes become limited because you are spending less time together, you are both tired from the constant strain of childcare or because you struggle to have an uninterrupted conversation together when the children are present. If you can't afford a babysitter then try to take time when you can - you could talk as you walk your child to the park, put on a movie to entertain your children so that you can have some time out, make an effort to sit down together after the children have gone to bed and talk.

. teach your children that is not OK to interrupt when other people are talking, that includes you and your partner. Teach them that they need to wait and can't just blurt out what they want to say whenever they think of it and expect to receive an audience.

. explain to your children (when they are old enough to understand) that you have needs too and that is why your bedroom door is closed or locked. Part of maintaining your relationship, is tending to your physical needs as well as your emotional needs.

. be committed to keeping your love for each other alive and growing. Don't settle just because you don't have the energy to be or do anything else. Although it can be difficult to imagine when your children are still small and needy, there will come a time when your children don't consume every waking moment and you don't want to hit that time and find that you have drifted so far apart from your spouse that there is nothing you can do to revive your relationship.