Marriage Help: Are You Emotionally Supportive?

It is easy to understand why couples drift apart from the heady days leading up to and following the wedding ceremony. Life has a way of intruding into the most loving relationships and can stretch the ties that bind you together until they are paper thin and you are scrambling around for marriage help. This is often even more pronounced when children arrive on the scene.

You may find that loving glances have evaporated, that sparkle that used to light up your eyes when your spouse entered the room has dimmed and your efforts to reconnect are interrupted by your offspring who don't understand why you would want to do anything that didn't involve them taking center stage.

But even though life maybe overwhelming at times, if you want to help your marriage then you need continually be aware of each other's emotional needs.

What exactly constitutes an emotional need? It can be anything but is often related to the need to love and be loved. It is a desire that you have and when it is met, leaves you feeling happy and contented. If it isn't met then you are likely to feel unhappy and frustrated. It isn't rocket science to work out that if a husband and wife are meeting each other's emotional desires that they will likely be at ease and happy with each other.

We all have emotional needs but the priority that we give different needs varies from one person to the next and often for males and females. For example, many men see love and romance as being primarily about recreation and sex whereas women are more likely to see it as being about intimate conversation and affection. The key is to make sure that everyone is satisfied and gets what they need.

It maybe helpful if you and your spouse can write down what your strongest emotional needs are, those things that will make you feel complete and happy. You could try each writing them out on a piece of paper and then exchanging them. Or you could talk it through. Do whatever feels most comfortable for you.

The other thing you can do is go through a book like '1000 Questions for Couples' and work through it to find out where the problems lie. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know and having all the possible areas laid out for you can be a great prompt. If your needs are a source of tension then finding them in a book removes the heat a bit because its not just you saying it - if its written in a book chances are other people have the same needs.

Sometimes this understanding of each comes through marriage family counseling. If you feel you need more specific help then this maybe your best approach.

Once you have an understanding of what your partner needs you can then work out how you can help them get it. This marriage help may well be the most important thing you can do for each other because learning to satisfy your spouse emotionally is crucial for the health of your relationship.