When you're a parent and everything is so busy you may often find that there is little time to think about your own needs and even less time to actually do something about fulfilling them. Children have a way of making sure that their needs are met first and as a parent it is difficult not to feel guilty when they haven't been met.
But you need to keep some balance here because your needs are important and ignoring them isn’t going to help anyone, not you, not your spouse and not your children either. Of course, it is foolish to think that you can do everything that you used to do before children. Life has changed for you and enjoyment comes in different ways. At the same time its important to remember that you remain a grown up with grown up needs and for you to feel content within yourself they need to be met.
Perhaps you don’t want any more physical contact after your children have been crawling all over you? Some people have a limit on the amount of physical contact they can take in a day. But the thing with children is that they touch you in a different way to how your partner would and it's usually all take and not so much giving.
What is the secret to finding time and energy for sex? It isn't like you can go back to the spontaneity of before. You will need to plan more and put more effort in. The two things to remember are that it can happen and it is so worth it.
So what can you do?
Make sex important and you will find time. Ever thought about how feeding your kids fast becomes a priority when they are nagging at you about how hungry they are. Make your needs insistent and don’t give up until you have what you need.
Work out a time that works. Perhaps it is early before the children wake, or it might be straight after the children's bedtime despite the fact there are dishes and cleaning up to be done, or maybe while the kids are being entertained by a movie.
Sometimes it helps to do things that put you in the mood for sex. After being in child mode it can be difficult to flip your brain over to sex and when that is the case get some help. You could watch an erotic movie, read a sexy story out loud to each other, give your partner an erotic note, recall a time when great sex was a regular part of your life (surely you can manage that, it can’t be that long right? You have children afterall!) and remember how good it felt.
Get wet. There is something very erotic about being naked in the shower together.
Accept that you may be interrupted and don't let it throw you off course. Perhaps you begin kissing and the baby cries. You want to ignore it because you know it can't be anything serious but what if? You go and see and then feel the moment has passed. But it hasn’t. See the interruption as a break which has heightened your appetite for love making not voided it.
You don't have to only make love in bed. One of the downsides of being together for a long time is that it can be too easy to let your lovemaking slip into routine. Love making can occur anywhere so be creative and use the spaces you have.
If you are having
sexual problems then get help.
The bottom line is that you need to be determined to make it happen and you can do this by making your needs a priority. You will be more content when those needs are met.
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